Insecurities-Genesis 1:26-27

My biggest insecurity used to be my squinty eyes. Now I love them. Read more below!

In my most recent Bible Study, I was directed to study and reflect on Genesis 1:26-27 (NIV).

Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground." So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.

If God made us in his his image, we are reflections of God's glory. This gives us the ability to reflect the character of God through our love, patience, forgiveness, kindness and faithfulness.

This verse, however, became more to me than just how I came to be the more that I carried it with me during my day.

If we are made in God's image and are meant to represent his love and other qualities, are we downgrading him if we criticize ourselves? If I walk around thinking that I'm ugly or that I'm not smart enough, is that me saying that God's glory isn't perfect either? God CHOSE us to reflect his glory and that in itself should give us a strong sense of self worth.

This self worth allows us to love God, become closer to him, and continue to spread his glory to others. God blessed us with these abilities.

Isn't there a saying that 'you can't love somebody else until you love yourself.' Well if I don't love myself, I can't truly love God and what he has blessed me with.

This reflection has showed me that it is time to learn how to love myself. I'm learning to throw the insecurities out the window, love the muffin around my hip, adore my lack of direction and keep myself tagged in those not-so-flattering Facebook pictures. With less time spent worrying about my insecurities, I have been able to slow down, enjoy my time with myself, and appreciate the smaller blessings I didn't see before.

This reflection has led me to the commitment of using this mantra daily: I love myself because the Lord loves me.

Pleasure Reading

First off, I've joined the twitter era! If you'd like to check out my personal twitter, follow me at @EliseyGC (I think that is how it works)! Now onto my post...

I have gotten into this bad habit lately of picking up a pencil when I'm reading a book. My english class at Virginia Tech, as well as my AP Literature class in High School, had me annotating nearly every sentence of books in order to do a 'critical analysis.' Should my pleasure reading really be about critically analyzing? No, but it is a habit I can't seem to break away from.

Not only do I search TOO hard to find meaning in whatever I'm reading, but I've recently started to read things that are more factual and do have a definite meaning. For example, I've been trying to read books such as "Buddha's Brain" or the "Gift of Fear." While I agree that these are wonderful and educational books to read, I read them back to back and never give myself time to read my summer romance novel or a book with an inspirational story.

I feel like I am "supposed" to read these books and become more scholarly because that is what my college-level schooling has pushed upon me. I feel that I have been pressured by the college atmosphere to appear a certain way, which sometimes, means reading a certain kind of book at a coffee shop; one with more "intellectual meaning." These pressures and reprogramming to annotate has rid me of the desire to read, which I have always loved to do.

I actually have a list of books to read, in order in which I am going to read them. This, however, is being torn down today. My love for reading shouldn't be measured on a list and it shouldn't be confined to what I think is expected of me! I should read what I want to read in the fashion that I want to depending on my mood.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with reading a Jodi Picoult book or one by Rowling. Pleasure novels still build your vocabulary, teach you social patters, give you insights on life, and leave you with ambitions, they just do it in a more subtle way.

So today, I'm putting all of my 'smart books' on the book shelf, for now, and putting my Jodi Picoult novels back on my night stand. It is time to start living happily and stop measuring my brain capacity. I will read what I want, when I want.

This is a pretty random post, huh?

Happy reading!

PS- I just finished rereading Eat,Pray,Love! I'm watching the movie now! Has anybody seen/read it? What are your thoughts?!

What makes you come alive?

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” -Howard Thurman

Coming to college has made me realize two things. One; living with a bunch of girls and having to share a restroom with about 50 of them is horrible. No ifs, ands, ors, or buts about it. You can't change my mind. I cannot wait to have my own restroom next year in my apartment! The second, and more significant of the two realizations, is that you can't spend four years of your life studying something that you're not passionate about. I'm sure you can figure out how I came to the first realization, but let me explain the second.

When I started dating Bryson, he was in the process of changing from an engineering to a music major. He was so excited while signing up for his new classes and passionately talked about what he was working on all of the time. I, deep down, got jealous about his passion and the feeling only grew with time. Why couldn't I be that happy and passionate about my major? A red light went off in my head. I could.

I took some time to sit down and ask myself why I was in premedical. I guess I felt like it had always been expected of me because that was what would get me places in this economy. I was HATING my classes though. I hated looking at cells and had no interest in signing up for immunology or pathogenic bacteriology. Not only was I not enjoying my classes, but I wasn't getting good grades because of my lack of interest. It was then that I realized that life isn't about dying with the most money in your bank account. Life is about finding what makes you come alive and following that passion, so that you can make a difference in this world and help others live a more meaningful and just life as well.

With support from Bryson and my friends, I have since then switched my major to psychology (I'm still deciding what to minor in) and I am in pre-elementary education. I finally am just as excited as Bryson to sign up for my classes! Studying is so much more enjoyable knowing that I'm setting myself up for such a heart fulfilling future.

Now, instead of listening to Bryson practice piano while I moan through my biology notes, him and I are in my room while he is composing a new song and I'm studying developmental psychology of children. Things finally feel like they are falling into place! :]

Thank you Bryson for giving me the little push that I needed to find what makes me come alive.

Simple Pleasures

Since I was up so terribly late last night, or should I say this morning, I stumbled out of bed around noon. Is that so horrible though? I'm on winter break. I should be relaxing as much as I can before heading back to school on Sunday and having to crutch across one of the largest campuses in Virginia.

After such a deep and refreshing slumber, I woke up, my heart swollen with joy, knowing that God was there to get me through anything that I was going to face that day. Wait a second, why was I thinking that something bad was going to happen today? I suppose I'm usually a pessimist when I get up, dreading the day ahead of me.

Today, however, I decided should be different in honor of signing my life away to God only yesterday.

After tidying up my untamed hair and putting on some respectable clothing, I cleaned up the kitchen and invited Bryson to come over and make some homemade cookies with me. What better way to spread the love in your heart than with some homemade baking? However, don't take that comment too seriously.

We made chocolate chip cookies off a recipe from my new YummySoup! application and let me tell you that I have NEVER (yes with all capital letters) tasted such amazing homemade cookies before! I thought they were better than my usual precut Pilsbury ones. Maybe because they were made with love and good intentions (don't worry, I'm not that corny)! :]

Bryson had to go off to work, and of course, I sent him off with a bag of cookies. What kind of girlfriend would I be if I didn't? Then I got working on a red velvet cake for my dad's birthday (we are going to eat it tomorrow so I will let you know how it went), caught up on a few of my favorite blogs, and went out to dinner with the family at Clyde's!

Now, after enjoying a wonderfully filling dinner and brewing a cup of lemon tea, I am bummed out on the couch with my mom watching Julie and Julia (ironic since it is about a blogging) and typing this to you. I'm going to catch up on a few emails and try to do a mini Bible study before bed.

It is days like this that remind me how truly lucky and blessed I am. I got to spend time with my family (which is rare since leaving for college), my caring boyfriend, and of course God. Today, I feel so loved.

Thank you, Lord, for helping me enjoy all the small pleasures of life today (mainly chocolate, I joke) and for allowing me to spend a wonderful much-needed evening with my family. And thank you, to all of you out there, who have sent encouraging and loving words my way. I'm blessed to have found people like you to talk to.

About My Faith

After talking to Katie, I've decided that it is time to face my biggest fear. All my life, there has been a gaping hole in my chest. A feeling of worthlessness and loneliness. I have hit my limit, and it is time for me to fill my hole. I need to find my faith.

One of the main struggles that I have, however, is learning more about God and His word. As trivial as this may sound, I always feel that I am too old to learn about Him, that I should have learned when I was younger, and that I'm not worthy of His love. I understand that all of those are false feelings, but sometimes it is hard for me to shake things.

I grew up in a religious family until they stopped attending the Catholic Church when I was in third grade. At that age in my life, I wasn't exactly listening to the sermon, but just wanted to get out. For awhile I didn't care much for religion, until I hit my health and family problems in sixth grade, and realized that I needed to find God to help me. I didn't have anybody else.

I tried. I failed. I tried again. I went to church with friends, tried to study the Bible, reached out to people for help, and found myself where I started. I have had a constant battle with my faith.

It isn't because I don't believe in God. I do. It isn't because I dread going to church. I don't. I guess through all of the struggles that I've been through, I sometimes find it hard to believe that there truly is somebody looking out for me. I've had a lot of time to reflect about it, however, and deep down I do know that He is there. It is a matter, however, of me letting him in and realizing that I don't have enough knowledge to completely control my life. I need guidance. I can't push God away anymore.

So this blog entry is me asking God for forgiveness and understanding, leaving a huge gap of life, and signing the bottom of the page, allowing him to fill in the middle for me.

PS- I'd like to use this blog to document my spiritual journey. Maybe if I post here about what I learn from Him, you guys can help me out with your thoughts and advice.

For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.- Romans 10:13

Revisiting Resolutions

Today, I sat down and officially decided to make my New Year Resolutions (again procrastinating), because I wasn't exactly happy with the list that I made on the first.

The problem that I have every year, as well as this year, is that I make definite statement like goals as if I can completely turn my life around in one day. Then, I end up forgetting all about my resolutions and find myself struggling to crawl away because they are too stressful. I expect way too much out of myself!

Change and growth takes time. So this today, I changed all of my New Year Resolutions to 'try' statements. For example, "Try to ask for forgiveness from those who you've hurt." See how much nicer and easier that sounds than, "Ask for forgiveness?" I think it does!

Today, I was able to step back and see myself growing instead of throwing myself off a cliff to the death of my resolutions.

Why do I blog?

This morning when I woke up, I opened up my macbook, responded to a few emails from my family and professors, and got to work reading blog updates that I'm subscribed to. That, and a cup of tea, is one of the best ways to start my morning!

I was reading blogs about cooking, running a household, and so much more. All of these blogs, I realized, have a clear and identified purpose of why the authors continue to write. I, however, am only eighteen years old, have no direct path in life at the moment, and don't have anything special going on in my life right now. So why am I blogging?

I decided to ponder that for awhile, and thought it would be a good idea to type it out. Here's why: I once found out, that I can never truly tell how I feel about something until I write it out. How is that so? Well, when you're thinking, you have a million thoughts buzzing through your head so fast that you can't concentrate on any specific idea. When you write, however, you can lay out your thoughts in a clear and logical manner, helping you to express and understand your feelings towards a particular topic.

Well, what am I writing about that I don't understand? Do I want money for blogging? No. Do I hope my posts will get published somewhere else? No. Well, I'm writing to figure out my life. I want to find what makes me come alive. I want to find a passion. I want to find what pushes me to be better. I want to find what brings me to peace. I want to find out how I feel about God and how I feel about relationships. What a better place to do it then on a blog where I can get feedback from others and grow from their experiences as well.

Most importantly: I write in this blog because I love to do so. Why doesn't that feel like enough for me? Why do I always feel that I have to have a concise purpose?

Enjoying Some Time to Myself

"There is no trouble so great or grave that cannot be much diminished by a nice cup of tea."

I woke up late today, around noon, and found the house to be completely empty. My sister is at her boyfriend's house for the day, my brother has school and soccer practice, and naturally, my parents are at work today. So instead of trying to make plans and get out of the house as well, I've decided to take the day for myself.

One of the inconveniences of an early dinner and a late morning is waking up starving. I decided to start off the morning with a slice of my homemade pumpkin bread that I made yesterday, and a nice hot class of pomegranate green tea. Which reminds me, that I've wanted to research about the benefits of green tea for awhile. What's the hype?

Let me sum up my findings for you:

-Contains natural caffeine

-Contains antioxidants that scavenge off free radicals

-Potentially helps to fight cancer

-Potentially helps to fight heart disease

-Lowers cholesterol

-Burns fat

-Preventing diabetes and strokes

-Staving off dementia

To receive such health benefits, we must consume the catechin EGCG, which is not readily available in our normal diet. This catechin is what gives us such health benefits, however, which can be found in green tea. We must drink green tea in our daily diet in order to gain such benefits. (This is not to say of course, that any of these complications will arise from NOT drinking green tea). So why not drink green tea?

Anyways, besides drinking green tea and boosting my health, I'm going to spend the day reading on my nook, practicing piano, and maybe watching some of my favorite shows on TLC! Oh, and never underestimate a day spent on your own! I've found them essential to reflecting on myself.

Let Me Introduce Myself

My brother, myself, and my sister!

Happy Holidays!

Let me start off my introduction post by letting you know that this is not my first attempt at blogging. I've tussled with this website a few times and attempted to make blogs about my college experiences, hobbies, future plans, and a few other things that i'm too embarrassed to admit. Here I am, however, with an idea that I hope keeps my fingers typing.

On December 22nd of this year, I had ankle surgery to tighten up my ankle due to multiple sport injuries that occurred throughout my teenage years. Since the semester is over, I don't have any studying to do, and have had a lot of time to slow down and enjoy reading, knitting, watching movies, and taking time to really talk to the people close to me. Of course, I've also had a lot of time to sit in my bed and simply do nothing at all but let my thoughts build up into an overwhelming mess in my head.

While I thought that this break from my hectic lifestyle would be treacherous, I've actually found it to be a peaceful and eye-opening experience, in which I've been able to appreciate the smaller things in life that I usually take for granted.

I've had time to catch up on several blogs that I'm subscribed to, read a couple of books on my new Nook, and so much more. While enjoying all of these things that I usually don't have time for, I find myself having these moments of personal enlightenment when I'm enthusiastic and optimistic about life, but can never collectively bring my thoughts together enough to make those feelings permanent. At some moments, I see the bigger picture and exactly where I'm heading in this life, and other times, I can't find it.

In this blog, I hope to share what I find that makes me come alive, so that they can become a more permanent and influential part of my daily routine. The more I discover these small things that make me feel more whole, the closer I am to finding who I truly want to be. Maybe along the way, I'll be able to share a few things that I've learned about as well. One day I will be...well isn't that what this little journey called life is all about?