I try to read a novel, do some homework, watch television and to no avail, I can't fall asleep.
One trick that has started to work, since my spiritual journey, is reading His word during my insomnia spells. There is something so reassuring and heart filling about His word that I can calm myself down enough to sleep and refresh my soul for the upcoming day.
Tonight (or should I say this morning) I wanted to post a little bit about the reflections I had while reading the first chapter of Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl.
I have been lost so many times in my life. Whether it was with family struggles, high school drama, health issues or mental breakdowns, I have felt the pressure to be somebody I'm not and put on a face for everybody else. One day I would be confident in myself and the next it felt like my heart was being ripped at the seam. I built up every flaw that I could think of in my head and I told myself that I wasn't good enough. Everything in my life was viewed through this harsh film.
When I finally couldn't stand on my own two feet anymore, I hesitantly turned to the unfamiliar idea of religion and begged for some kind of miracle to be worked upon me. Time after time, however, religion failed me. I didn't have the right concept of it in my head. As it turns out, you need to live the word...and not just quote it. I was trying to have religion, when all along, what I really needed was a relationship with God.
After so many struggles since, I find myself, a freshman in college, with the deepest desire being to love God and 'let his love work through me to positively impact myself and those around me.' I have taken a step toward God toward the light and the truth. I have taken a step toward becoming, "Elise, a fulfilled Child of the one true God."
"Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." -Jeremiah 29:12-13
In order to seek God with all my heart, however, I have grown up and realized that it isn't about having a good Christian checklist or practicing the Ten Commandments everyday. It is about finding truer fulfillment in this world and setting your mind on those things instead of earthly desires. You have to want to see, hear, and know God, so that you can follow hard after Him everyday.
" 'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.' "-Jeremiah 29:11
I haven't gotten that far into learning about Him yet (hence me not being able to form perfect words for what I'm experiencing), but I am glad that I am able to find such peace and comfort in what I do know so far.